I'm a creep. So, do I creeped you out?

Creep, weird, scary, wicked, twisted, you named it I got it, well to be honest I got it alot! I don't know why and how but there's quite number of people who thinks I'm either creep or weird. Gosh it's hard to be yourself these days, don't you think? I know and realized that I'm quite different with most of my friends, and seriously I can't even tell why. It's just me being me, and if it's creep then so be it. I always think about it, night after night what about me that makes people think I'm creep? what is wrong with me? what is wrong with the people? My friends and family said it's weird that I have so many black dresses, so many black clothes in my wardrobe. Even my daddy who ussually don't even care about what clothes I bought is almost screaming whenever I choose 'another' black dress, he said things like this "oh please not another black! We're not going to funeral everyday!" Geez dad... In my defense, who can reject a black cool dress? right? right!

Superstitious, it's something that I'm not. Seriously I never believe in such thing called ghost, but I do believe devil and angel does exist and I believe that put dream catcher does prevent you for having a bad dream. But not ghost. So since I don't believe their existence I never been afraid of them, so yes, I sleep in the dark. My friends find this quite weird, my friend even swore that he once saw a ghost in his home, and I told him "your eyes see what you want to see..." then again, okay just say that they do exist, what to scare about? from what I heard they can't touch you, they can't even speak to you. So? but no more argue , they can believe whatever they want to believe and so am I ... And so maybe, the fact that I don't get scared by ghost and my habbit to wear black old dress make them thinks I am a creep ( but since I have a very great friends now, they don't seem really to care, they only tried to tell a scarier story. not working... hahaha ) so yeah I tried to avoid wearing black when I'm going out and once in a while when we were watching scary movies I agree to shut up. Hahaha just so you know my friends hate watching scary movies with me, because I always said to them it's so weird that they frightened by those movies, it's a movie! for God sake, it's all fake! so yeah I always laughing when watching horror movie, thinking how hillarious the shoot must be, and hey at least I don't close my eyes when the ghost turn up, another thing I'm confuse about... you want to watch the ghost right? but then why you close your eyes when they showed, your paying for those ghost! take a look at it! but I'm a good friend there was a time when I try to analized them, and pretend to be scared too, just to have fun, hahaha and my friends always know it's just an act... hehehe so I guess I'm a bad actress,

Human, it's the answer if someone ask me what do I scare the most. For me human are the scariest creature God ever made. Because you will never know what their capable of, sometimes it's beyond your thoughts. You can never tell a human heart, you never ever gonna find out what they have in mind, sometimes I wish I can read minds, but then again, I probably gonna be to scare to use it, sometimes is better when you know nothing. I probably having some issue, I can't watch my mouth! I always telling what inside my mind. It's just come out. sisters always warn me about this, they said there's something to be said, and some are not. If there's a machine in human mind to filters that , well maybe mine is broken. I just can't help it. I'll say it to your face if I don't like you and vice versa I'll tell you I love you if I do like you. I can't pretend to like something that I'm not, for me another people ability to do that is something scary! how they do it is a big mystery for me. You see, you never like when someone lied to you right? it hurts your feeling, now tell me how am I suppose to lie to myself ? that both weird and feels not right. My sisters also told me that is something I must work on to survive in social world, yeah I'll try but I'm a bad actress remember? The best I can do is only shut my mouth up. So this is me, like it or not. You might like it and you might not, there's nothing I can do about it. But hey! take the good side of it, you will always know what inside my mind, there's no need to guessing around, that supposed to be make me less scarier right?

The most hateful evil in the world is the evil that dresses itself in such a way that men cannot hate it. The men that make wickedness beautiful are the most utterly to be hated.

HENRY WARD BEECHER, Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit

A story to tell, so as you know it's hallowen last month, and just like other kid I'm so can't wait for hallowen party, I always like to dress up! So for this year I even already decide what I want to be month before Hallowen. I'm so excited, but when I asked my dad to buy me the costume he mad at me, a big time! he said our country is in big despair, people dies and suffer , there natural disaster here and there and still I have nerve to asked for costume party. He also said I should honour the victims, and just by donate some money doesn't mean it's over, he said I should give the victims true honour! at this time I should pray not partying! My dad also told me I might be just a kid and can't do much to help right now, but at least don't dance when others are crying, there's so many kids around my age that right now when we were speaking are crying , they hungry , lost their home and even worse lost their parents or family! he said again I should shame of myself and he never raised me to be a human with no heart. I was mad that time, but not to my dad, not to him. I mad at myself, I hate myself. What was I thinking ? So I cried, and run to my room.

Me, I always believe in power of a prayers, for me it's my way to communicate with God, to said hi, to tells God whether I'm doing okay or not. To tell God my gratitude. And I do believe in prayers the more the merrier. My dad was right, instead of dancing around I should pray. Knowing that the thing at least I can do for them, not just crying when I watched it from TV , not just tweeting about it . I should help in any way I can, and God knows I pray every single night. My dad always told me some quotes ( now you know why I always crazy about quotes) and one of the best quotes he ever said to me is from B. Graham Dienert , here's the words

" Many people pray as if God were big aspirin pill, they come only when they hurt"

and my dad always make sure he did not raised me to be such kind of people. Half and hour later my dad was knocked on my door, and when he saw me crying he said that I can go to the party, but no new costume party, instead the money should be donate. I told my dad I don't even want to go to the party anymore, and he was right, at that time I told him feel like the lowless human ever made, thinking about party while others crying. My dad then said that I'm not, I felt guilty and that means I have heart, that's a good sign, and he do raised me in a right way.

"Don't pray for lighter burdens, but for stronger back"

"Pray as though everything is depended on God, work as though everything is depended on you"

~Saint Augustine

So please people I'm begging you please. Wherever you whoever you are. Indonesian or not Indonesian please pray for my country, pray for the victims of the earthquake and the erruption. We really need it right now. It might not kiss their pain away, but maybe it would be nice for them knowing there's so many people care about them, that they are not alone. And if you like to help in other way you can check it in here Palang Merah Indonesia . And for all the family and the victims my biggest condoleus goes to you, I hope we eventually can kiss the pain away, and I hope it's true that time would heals.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But hold it together when everyone else understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

~ Anonymous

and I quote this from J.R.R Tolkien books, one of my favorite of all time books The Lord of The Ring it said :

"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost, the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring, renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king."



And at that time to stop my tears my dad then jocking around that why the hell am I asking money for costume while I have big collection of scary black clothes that even scarier than any costume. He might be right. So here's I present you some of my clothes that I think have some hallowen vibe on it, what do you think? Am I a creep? or maybe the right question is do I creeped you out?

1st
the time traveler

bowler hat : cherokee
black dress : from Japan ( the brand is written in japannese)
where's my key necklace : DIY! I made it myself :D
one ring necklace : guess
rings : jewelry by lushae , and many more
polkadot thights : kate spade
boots : zara


2nd
the witch lady

Hat : cascade
Dress : from Japan
spider brooch : unbranded
rings : random
tights : sox gallery
boots zara

3rd
The quite girl

vintage dress : from Japan
tights : kate spade
shoes : wondershoe


4th
the evil twins
( you decide which one is the evil one...)





dresses : rosebud
tights : zara
shoes : wondershoe

5th
the black rose girl

dress : my bad, I wripped the tag, it's itchy hehehe
tights : zara
shoes : wondershoe

6th
The crawler

dress : again from Japan, and it's written in Japanese
where's my key necklace : I made it myself
one ring necklace : guess
rings : lushae, and others
tights : kate spade
pointy boots : zara

Such a long post aight? I hope this can made it up, because I know I've been a bad bad blogger, it's been one light years ago since my last post hehehe. It's night already and my nanny said I need to rest now, I've been sick for whole week flu and fever... but I feel much better now, thank you for all your get well wishes on my twitter! Love you! and I promise I won't crawl under your bed tonight... if you happen to see something, well it's not me.... hehehe

And oh just want to introduce you with this cool magazine! Style Sample magazine! seriously it's a very inspiring and cool magazine! and guess what? you can catch me on page 40! hehehe... check it in here Evita, Evita