07 November, 2016

Choose People Who Choose You

I received a question in my inbox several days ago, it’s still left unanswered until now. The question is so simple, I know what my answer right away, but the thing is I don’t know how to answer it without sounds like a pathetic and sad person. The question is “Do you have achievement that is so special to you but you consider it as something ordinary for others?” The answer is, friends, I have friends now. My Squad. Hehehe see? I already sound pathetic right? But trust me I’m not, don’t see me as one, well I used to. I’m a very happy person right now, I have people that I can proudly call as my best friends, and in my language you call it “Sahabat” they are more than just friends, much much more than that. They are your people, people that only one phone call away. You can cry all you want for the silliest reason and they will cry and laugh for you.  With you. I have those kind people in my life now. They are not related by blood with me, so they don’t have to, they are there for me on their on will.  

Back in the days, I was a lonely kid. People don’t get me, they see me as an alien so it’s natural for them to alienated me, I used to hate them for doing so, but not anymore. They don’t get me and I totally get that. It’s not their fault or either mine. It’s hard for me, considering that I’m growing up reading so many books about friendship and their adventure, how they stick together no matter what. I basically learn how to be a good friend from Enid Blyton’s book and also from Tom and Huckleberry Finn from The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. It’s hard because there’s so many book I’ve read Romanizing friendship so much.  I remember reading The Famous Five and how I wish I had friends like Dick, Julian, Anne and Georgina, thinking it must be fun, thinking they might be never feeling lonely. Growing up another book do the same thing, I still recall how I read Hamlet by Shakespeare and all I can think of how lucky Hamlet to always have Horatio who’s for him endure the pain being the last survivor just so he can tell Hamlet’s story to the world, yes I just call Hamlet lucky.  I also recall reading Wuthering Heights and wonders how can people missing the point and only focus on Heathcliff and Cathy love story, not like Romeo and Juliet who just met and somehow falling deeply in love (God knows how and why?) Cathy and Heathcliff is best friend before they are lovers. They grow up together and no wonder they have such intense love for each other, I mean who want’s to lose a best friend? The list goes on and on, most of books containing friendship, the best one and movies do the same thing too. Like maybe… Harry Potter? Don’t you wish you had friends like Harry, Ron and Hermione? No wonder I feel so miserable.

People often thinks that it’s just how I am, that I like being left alone, what they don’t know I want to scream “Please be my friend, please try to understand me, please bare with me, because it’s difficult for me” at the top of my lungs. I watch how my sister’s friends come to our house stay all night, having sleepover or how on every weekend there will be bunch of kids coming to get her and she will running outside and all I can is watching it from my window asking myself why can’t I have that? I ask my sister once, how do I get myself a friend? She said “I don’t know… be  less weird maybe?” How the hell I’m supposed to do that? Then I start to learn how to make friends like I learn science, it’s all about observing, observing, observing then imitate. I observe how my sister smiles, laughing, talking with her friends. I start to mold myself; I call myself a great pretender, because I’m a top-notch imitator. You know what? I finally have friends. I put all their birthday date on my calendar, and I’ll be the one who say congratulation first. I laugh on all kind of jokes. I’m the nicest friend ever; I’m the best one you could ask for. But I grew tired. I’m tired. I don’t like being around them, I’m not me, what I am none other just a perfect imitation of my sister. Maybe I am somehow different. Maybe I am weird. But can I be weird and still have friends? Can I just be me and somehow they still love me?
But you know what? The answer is yes, I can. Well the numbers of friends who being around me are of course thin out. Not that I’m blaming them, it’s hard to deal my stubbornness, my sharp mouth, my mood swing, my meltdown, my unrelated ramblings. But those who stay are the keepers. They are those kind of people who coming to my house wants to play and then I tell them to go home just because I hate they are coming without telling me first and I’m not in the mood to play (no, I don’t have anything to do, I just don’t want to play) and they are okay with it. They are kind of people I can call in 2 A.M just because I feel like to. Whom I can comfortably be mad at just because they are 5 minutes late from our appointment, those who on the same class with me but totally understand when I said I don’t need a chair mate because I like to sit alone and not act weird about it, they are those kind of people who know that I am sad and need my alone time they words are “Do as your wish, cry, yell… or just be silent all you want, when you need us we are here.” Those who keep me safe from so called “normal people” by telling me when to shut up and talk when I’m in public.  I cherished them beyond words and they fully aware of it without me have to telling them.  Turns out you don’t have to change (but I do learn how to tolerate people, little by little) when you are somehow “special” God also set you with “special person” who can accept you no matter how ridiculous you are sometimes (or most of the time? Hehehe) I’ve read somewhere that “You are not for everyone and that’s OK.” It’s true, it’s okay. I’m okay.  
I dedicate this post for my squad (You know who you are…) and those who are in journey to find their own special squad. As for my squad, I know our adventure maybe not as challenging as the famous five, but for me it’s just as fun. Thank you, thank you, and thank you for being there despite all of my shortcomings.

PS: Making this set, inspired a lot by Netflix series Stranger Things and also Korean drama Reply 1988. Both show us a priceless friendship and how each member is different than the other one and that is what makes it interesting and fun. Also, inspired by all the colorful Exsport bags that I’m using, it’s always fun playing with colors.

For all the Exsport bag above, you can get it from here :
Instagram : @exsportbags
Facebook : Exsport
Twitter : @exsportbags
Youtube : Exsport bags (Really recommend you to visit their channel, so many inspiring creative people)


Mary Andrikus said...

I really enjoy reading this. It's very genuine from you and I can relate to this writing so much. In middle school, I used to try to blend in but as time goes by, I realized that I never need to blend in. I love the way I am and it's much better to have friends who stick with me because they want to and know who I really am.

This is written beautifully and I like your photos at the end. I think I'm a bit of everything depends on the situation hahaha :)

Also, I'm glad you have friends who are accepting of who you are! :) I think it doesn't sound sad at all because you're just grateful of what you have right now. I don't take friends for granted either and try to appreciate them whenever I can because I'm grateful for their existence.

dunia kecil indi said...

Hehe, di telingaku gak kedengeran pathetic sama sekali. Selamat, Cha, aku ikut senang kamu punya sahabat-sahabat sekarang :) Aku cuma punya 1 sahabat dan sekarang kami "jauh" karena sama-sama sibuk. Aku loner, ---dan di beberapa situasi terkadang juga lonely. Kadang aku suka senyum-senyum sendiri lihat orang yang punya squad, 'Oh, aku harap aku bisa bertemu orang-orang yang cocok sama aku,'. Tapi ya itu dia, 'choose people who choose you'. Aku rasa gak perlu berusaha kelihatan cocok di depan orang-orang yang sebenarnya gak cocok sama aku, ---just for "pengen punya squad" sake, lol. Iya, kan? ;) See you! x

Inklocita said...

haha bener banget sih ini


Hidden Bubbly said...

I think I have same experience like you. Saat sd aku orang yang sangat pendiam. sampai mama bilang aku buat bisa berteman. Tapi ujung ujungnya aku hanya jadi ngikutin, mereka ke kantin aku ikut, mereka kemana aku ikut. but, I just silent. karena aku lebih suka sendiri. Pas awal masuk SMP, aku juga bukan orang yang bisa mudah adaptasi. Akhrinya aku malah jadi dibenci karena mereka anggap aku orang yang sombong. padahal aku cuma yaa aku orang yang lebih suka diem sendiri. They never know me but they hate me.
“Please be my friend, please try to understand me, please bare with me, because it’s difficult for me” aku juga pernah merasakan hal seperti itu.

Tapi bersyukurnya saat SMA, aku punya teman yang bisa mengerti kapan aku butuh untuk sendiri, kapan mood aku bisa untuk membahas dan tertawa mengenai berbagai hal, dan mengerti aku saat aku nangis, mau mendengarkan cerita aku. walau kadang aku masih tidak mau cerita alasan aku nangis. Tapi mereka tidak menuntut ingin tahu.

Hetu Anggun Maharani said...

Be You, and keep being you, Darl.
Everyone have different path, and you have right to choose how you act and react to people. Do it and get along with your choice and don't forget to enjoy it.

Hetu Anggun Maharani said...

Keep being you,Darl.. Everyone have their own path, choose your path, get along with it, and enjoy your life. We have right how to act and react to people..

Gabrielle said...

Friends dont lie 😁

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